Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
