so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
