dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sex in the backyard? Check.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
