I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
