I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
