You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
