I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
