ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
