@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
