I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
