you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
