They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
