Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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