Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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