So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
