So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
