I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
