dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
