so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
