At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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