I just saw a hot homeless man
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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