$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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