Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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