my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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