I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
