get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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