Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
