I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
