I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize