She is in my trunk
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize