She announced her abortion via fbk
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
