so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
