then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
