you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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