i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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