you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
