i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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