I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
