Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
