I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
