I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
