Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
