just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
