Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
