I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
