she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
