the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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