i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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