omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
