I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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