Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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