And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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