ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
