I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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