Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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