I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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