Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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