im six kinds of drunk right now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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