the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
