She's JV to your varsity
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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