so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
