when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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