Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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