I wish my penis had an off switch
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
