You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
