Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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