i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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