If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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