My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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