Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
