He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
